Let’s start (end) this Monday off right, shall we?
First things first – I am sorry for not posting last Monday, but some shit went down. My car basically, um, broke. It was a rather time sensitive issue (I start school this week and I commute) that I needed to get figured out pronto. So, I bought a new car. A new used car from CarMax, that is. And I literally bought and paid for it. No car payments for this gal! I gotta say, it feels pretty great. I highly recommend it. Anyone who has ever truly needed to buy a car in a short amount of time knows that there isn’t much else on your mind while you’re looking for a new car. So, I do apologize for no post, but I’m sure you understand.
On another note, those of you who sent me emails concerning the post Amanda Meets You will be getting your item-o-coolness very soon. I will be mailing out stuff this week, so get ready! I might not get to all (five) of you this week, but everything will for sure be mailed out by Friday of next week. No later. Promise! And thanks to everyone who did send me an email! I’m actually really excited about this!
Now to the juicy bits. I thought I would give you guys an idea of just how disgusting I actually am and tell you a little story about what I did on Sunday.
I drank a lot of booze.
I ate some meat.
I’m pretty sure I embarrassed my friend who was totally trying to score with a dude.
I definitely said something along the lines of “I bet her pussy is engorged as fuck!” This was said within range of both her and the guy who was, presumably, making her pussy engorged as fuck.
I say this kind of shit when I’m drunk. Terrible drunk friend. Right here.
So, lets address what’s going on right now and get real deep into this shit: chicks get super into other chicks when they’re drunk. That means we say things like what I said to my poor friend. Then we say things like:
- Yeah. I’d grab them titties. I’d rub my face all up in them titties.
- I fingered a chick once.
- I got fingered by a chick once.
- Who doesn’t love a good, passionate fingering?
- I wouldn’t mind a finger in my butt. (You can see a theme developing.)
- Who haven’t I fucked? (Lot’s of people. For the record.)
- No. No. You should try my vibrator. Seriously. Come over.
- Do I have anything on the nape of my neck that you need to lick off?
- Lick it off. Lick it.
- Vulvas are fucking magical. If you don’t think they are fucking magical, then you’re a motherfucker. (I really said that last night. To five people. My female friends agreed whole-heartedly. Whole-vulvadly?)
You’re thinking: Amanda! You’re so filthy!
Nuh-uh! Tell me you haven’t said that shit with your chick friends and I’ll tell you . . . well, you’re probably incredibly religious. Or you have some kind of hold-up. That’s fine! I don’t judge!
Except I do. And you should say this stuff with your girlfriends. And you should feel like you can and you shouldn’t let anything hold you back. Women need to be in touch with their bodies and we need to be in touch with other women’s bodies as well. It doesn’t always have to be as filthy and extreme as what I’ve shown here, but we need to be honest with each other and embrace the fact that our bodies are absolutely fascinating.
And pretty fun, too. Who doesn’t enjoy the female form? It’s all squishy and round and bouncy and . . . yup.
See what I mean? Tell me you didn’t get a little blood flow thinking about some hot chick you know?!
So, let’s do some clarification real quick before we wrap this bad boy up: by no means do I think women should be objectified or thought of only as sexual objects. What I want to get across with this post is that women should be comfortable enough around each other, or at least have a tight enough circle of girlfriends that you can say your version of the stuff I said to my friends last night. You’re missing out if you don’t. It’s so amazing and freeing, and I only wish more women felt comfortable enough to get crazy and talk about the magical properties of the vulva and vagina!
Since this did get a little porno-y, I’m going to recommend one of my favorite children’s books just to even things out: Matilda by Roald Dahl is one of those books that features a main bitch who knows how to get shit done. Any Roald Dahl book is really a good choice, but Matilda in particular is quite an invigorating read for the young girl. A strong young woman who doesn’t take any abuse from anyone, but instead uses her wit and intelligence to succeed? Yeah. That’s a great story.
Go on, ladies. Tell your friend you wouldn’t mind licking her pussy. It’s like a high-five with words.
Tell me in the comments about your favorite homoerotic moment with your girlfriends!
Happy Monday, everybody!
Not going to happen with guys. My straight friends get weirded out by me and the wifey going on a movie double date with two gay guys… you really think they’re going to be comfortable with talking about fingering each other’s asses or tonguing our balls?
It is interesting to think how the ancient Greek philosophers thought of sex – dudes were getting it on all the time. Symposiums were basically the manliest activity a male could participate in, and symposiums were basically orgies of philosophy, food, wine and man on man sex!
It’s too bad guys can’t at least give each other a casual handy here and there, just to show some love.
My personal favorite that I’ve used for years is, “Yep. I’d lick her butthole.”
And LOL @ the vibrator one. 🙂
You know, I just got done reading about how to express a dog’s anal glands and I don’t think your comment created quite the mental image you thought it would.
I wish I could like this post about eight more times! Are we twins? Except I don’t get so explicit, probably because I don’t drink much any more. But – I think it and often make little off-hand suggestions as to how delicious all of my lovely lady friends would be if I happened to fall in their direction with my tongue out.