Or, How to Stay Normal When Your Period is Making You Insane
I may or may not have had a period induced breakdown this weekend.
It all started on Thursday.
Jeff and I decided we wanted to go to the North Fork of the American River because it was hotter than balls outside, and what better day to go play in the river? Correction: what a bad day to have your car break down at the river. After a joyous romp in the cool mountain water, we got to my car and hopped in only to hear a click, click when I turned the key.
I said FUCK more times than you would like to know. And then I cried in a way I haven’t cried in a really long time. I punched my steering wheel, and cried so hard I drooled all over my lap. I cried-drooled, you guys.
After we get the car towed to my grandparents’ house, Jeff went to my mom’s house at which point our dog threw-up on her floor. I was not there for this event, but Jeff told me about it later that evening after I had recovered from my car psychosis and was preparing for a hopefully fun-filled night out on the town (drinking). I had been looking for my favorite pair of underwear for the past five minutes when he sat me down and said, “I wasn’t going to tell you this because you’ve had such a hard day, but I don’t want you to get frustrated looking for the underwear – when Zelda threw-up at your mom’s house, there were little bits of blue and white polka-dotted cloth. I’m sorry babe. She ate your underwear.”
Here’s where it gets hilarious.
At this moment, I had this really intense hyper self aware sensation where I knew, just knew, that it really wasn’t that big of a deal. That it was just underwear, and that the day hadn’t really been that bad – I was just emotional from being on my period. That self aware feeling didn’t prevent me from breaking down again. I went into the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub to cry my face off of my face.
Did I mention I was naked? I look like a mole rat when I’m naked. I’m pink, white and Irish, and I look like a mole rat. Or a hairless cat. I have bright pink nipples. I don’t care who knows this. I’m trying to paint a picture.
Jeff comes into the bathroom while I’m cry-drooling-snotting all over myself and comforts the hell out of me and I say, “I’m naked and awkward and snotty!” to which he replies, “I don’t care. I love you. You’ll feel better soon.”
Side note for the ladies: a man who loves you will do this kind of shit. You got that? A man who loves you won’t give a shit that you look like a mole rat who fell in mucus. Remember that when a bag of dicks won’t call you back after a shitty date. Motherfucker ain’t worth it.
We went out. I put on my hot dress. I got drunk. I danced to bad karaoke and stayed out too late.
One more thing: Jeff doesn’t want me to leave out the part where I started crying when he told me that On The Border’s was going to start an hour later than I thought it did. I was crying in the shower and he got in with me in his clothes and everything. Just to give me a hug.
The next day, I was still feeling sort of ho-hum, so I watched the videos below and decided that I should put my favorite feel-good videos all in one place for you to enjoy when you’re having a shit day.
Some of these videos might make you cry if you’re feeling even slightly emotional. Take it from me and just let it happen.
What he tells you in this video is to just be yourself; be creative and express your creativity; love yourself. Dude was all about doing what made him happy and just trying to share that with other people. And that’s a pretty amazing thing to do.
Next up we have a Minecraft video which might be lost on some of you folks who don’t play Minecraft. But it’s still awesome. To my mom (because I know you’re reading this) next time you come over, I’ll explain Minecraft. You still won’t get it, but that’s ok. We’ll bond.
I like this video because it’s all about people coming together and doing something they love. It’s a massive nerd-out! What’s not to love?! Nerds are awesome and I’ll tell you why: they fully embrace what they love without any shame or hesitation. That sounds like a great life to me.
If you haven’t seen this video, prepare to cry your face off in a good way. If you don’t want children, it will fool you into thinking you want children. Just embrace everything this video makes you feel or you’ll get a weird sweaty feeling from resisting happiness.
Now wasn’t that grand?
I don’t know what else to say about this video other than it has Weezer and The Muppets together in one place, and that my love for both is like the fiery hot intensity of a thousand suns.
I hope you feel better if you were feeling sad. And I hope you feel even happier if you were feeling happy. And I hope you’re feeling happy if you were just feeling so-so.
Still not convinced? Check out these YouTube channels and prepare to be so stoked about life you’ll just fall asleep because your body can’t handle the overload of awesome.
Got any positive videos you would like to share with the class? Put them in the comments!
And the next time you’re feeling not 100%, excuse yourself from the room and say, “Excuse me, I need to go and get positive as fuck,” because life is too short to not get positive as fuck.
What book gets me positive as fuck? Harry Potter. There. I said it. Make fun of me all you want, muggles. I’m happy.
Matilda by Roald Dahl always cheers me up. And Potter. I really like your blog, probably because I’m moody and PMS-ing too, but also because it’s awesome!
I LOVE Roald Dahl. You’re speaking to my soul, sister.
Fucking fuck this was a great post.
And my dating standards have just been raised higher:
“A man who loves you won’t give a shit that you look like a mole rat who fell in mucus.”
Thank you Amanda, thank you.
Thank you, Katie! I fucking love the fucking shit out of you.
I had a pretty crappy day today….until I read your blog. Mom or not….I LOVE your writing and everything you are!! I am going to save those videos after I watch them tonight.
Jeff….thank you for being so AMAZING and LOVING to my girl. Love you both!!!
Ladies and gentlemen, meet my mother.
I Fucking shit balls I love this! Thanks for making my week when I was needing a good laugh and great reading. Love me some Jenna Marbles!
You put Jenna Marbles on your list! You rule!
Also, this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J40rLaARx00
Amanda I will be positive as fuck for sure, love the post!
Omigod that kid really is all kinds of awesome! So much enthusiasm! And hey, at least you didn’t puke too!
Isn’t he so excited?! It’s infectious! I love it.
And yes, at least I didn’t cry so hard I puked. I’ve done that one and it is not fun. Thanks for putting that in perspective! Ha!
I was terrified once when a girl I was crushing on got so emotional that she started smashing plates and clocks. Her house-mate was just handing her plates and stuff to smash, like it was a regular routine.
When my kid was little I heard this on a Sesame Street CD which I liked:
R.E.M singing Furry Happy Monsters ~
I love this post.