LET’S BARBECUE THIS BITCH

This week, one really crap-ass thing happened:

My boyfriend lost his job.

Why this sucks: He makes the most money in our household. I’m the lazy girlfriend who works in a candle store and blogs in her free time. When it comes to titles, I am “The Artist” in the relationship. Money aside, he really loved this job. We’re talking skipping to work happy. And when it comes to jobs to get you through college, a job that enables you to arrive and leave with a smile on your face is basically as common as finding a narwhal with a beer, chillin’ in your backyard.

We also had loads of different plans for this week (my spring break) that included going to San Francisco to get more tattoo put on his hairy man chest, but all of that had to be set aside because we don’t want to spend a cent more than we have to.

Now, at the start of the week, I was a crying, mascara-smeared mess, but by yesterday morning my crying jags had leveled out to quick-breath-intake jags. You know, those super quick, short breaths you take right after you’ve cried on and off for twelve hours. This enabled me to go out in public without looking like a psychotic high schooler who had just found out her boyfriend, Bret, had been cheating on her with her BFF, Whitney, who became pregnant but then totally got an abortion. Bitch.

Then, something amazing happened. My boyfriend and I realized that he didn’t have to work during my spring break. I realized I didn’t have to work because I requested the week off of work a few weeks ago . . . and so began our first full week together without school or work since, uh, EVER. Pretty sweet, right?

So far, we’ve gone disc golfing, started the third season of “Archer,” gotten really drunk in the comfort of our own lavish one-bedroom apartment, watched a couple crappier than us argue about how far apart they were while walking (weirdest argument ever, also a sign of a waaay bigger problem), and, my favorite part, gotten super smooshy with all of our love talk. This kind of life altering, job losing shit brings people together. Another example: tonight we got home from buying a kick ass new fish for our aquarium. It’s called a Shubunkin, it looks like a tiny Koi and it gobbles food up like a hungry lumberjack which means it’s as cool as it can get without being a shark. When we got home, I remembered we had ground turkey in the freezer, a buttload of potatoes and onions, so we decided to barbecue. And do you know why? Because this is one of the last nights we will get together without one of us having to wake up at the crack of dawn until the end of May. “LET’S BARBECUE THIS BITCH,” said I.

What other plans do we have for this evening? Oh, nothing really besides watching monster movies from the ’80s about sea aliens humping teenage girls, which is really one of our favorite past times.

With all of that being said, I want to thank all of the awesome bloggers that have been reading my blog and giving me great comments. It warms the heart, to say the least. This time instead of recommending a book to read, I will instead recommend two blogs that are pretty darn funny, and written by cool babes:

Eggton

Bailey Powell 

And, just a reminder, that “find the silver lining” bullshit isn’t really bullshit. There is always some kind of awesome that accompanies some kind of crap-assness. Just don’t be too perky like this one girl at work. She’s creepy perky. Like she just killed someone and nibbled their toes off perky. Hiding something perky. Don’t be like that. It’s weird.