A few new things have happened in the last, let’s see, SIX MONTHS since my last post. The most recent, and most terrifying development of all has been my decision to -gulp- give up coffee. Not caffeine, that would just be stupid, but coffee. Coffee, that delicious brown sludge college students like myself enjoy so much that we are one step away from injecting it straight into our veins. Coffee, that wonderfully mysterious substance that really, let’s be honest, tastes like tree bark with a light coating of chocolate.
My mouth is watering just thinking about it.
Did you know coffee enemas are sort of hot right now? Get it? Hot like coffee is hot. Not like your poo is hot. Here’s a link!
I’ve never done it, but I cannot deny the fascinating idea behind shooting coffee up your ass.
So, this is Day One of no coffee for Amanda. Last night I did some stock-up shopping for various teas, and after much consultation with The Almighty Google, I decided on two: Bigelow Vanilla Chai and Lipton Cold Brew. So far, I’m digging the cold brew, but that could just be a result of the not–winter-like-winter-weather we are experiencing here in Sacramento.
WHY DID YOU DO IT?
Good question. And the answer is simple: recently, my coffee intake has been upped to three two four cups a day and after the final cup I would feel pukey, sweaty, and a little bit paranoid. I also keep spending money on shitass coffee from the Java City on campus. Tea is better for you, and it’s cheaper. There is less caffeine and according to the internets the caffeine in it is better for you. Also, and here is the big reason, with all the coffee I have been drinking I have been too buzzed to sit down and read a great book that isn’t required for school, and I am big on reading books for school and having something else a little sexier on the side for myself. Why? Because you have to! The books for school are great, but I have to do a little branching out on my own. So, less caffeine, more water, better food, more exercise . . . good decisions breed good decisions you know.
And I don’t have to pay those assholes with rich, white kid problems for a drink they probably jerked-off into before they handed it to me because they are pissed about their shitty composition teacher being a total bitch. Just a basic peace of mind kind of thing.
Here are some books I am trying to make-out with right now:
The Girl Who Played With Fire – Stieg Larsson
Watership Down – Richard Adams
The Anthologist – Nicholson Baker
The Houseplant Expert – Dr. D.G. Hessayon
Amanda! You’ve done it again! It’s been much too long since your last post and we little people were getting sad and lonely! Please keep posting on the regular and we will keep reading. Sincerely, your boyfriend who is sitting on the couch right next to you. GO BOOKS!!